The pain runs deep
It has no name
Sometimes it feels like
I'm being played in a game
I want to run
I want to flee
But where can I go
That it doesn't follow me?
You grip my heart
You pull and you twist
What do you want from me
What do I miss?
It has no name
It comes and it goes
Where to? Nobody knows.
You are a symptom
Of something more
What are you here for?
What have you come to share
I know you have a message
But could you take it easy
The feelings you bring
They make me feel a bit queasy.
Let me catch my breath
From the stabbing feeling you bring
And let me gather my thoughts
And let's sort through this thing.
This thing that causes the pain
What is it's name?
I feel so alone
Like no one understands
I've tried to share
But I'm so scared
So many have left me
It feels like no one cares.
No one to fight for me
Or do I even let them try
Its so confusing
To be left high and dry.
Sometimes I love the message you bring
If it were not for the message
I'd be left with a sting
I understand the pain now
It comes and it never leaves me the same
It has taught me so much
It makes me feel insane.
You have taught me your name
You have played a good game
But I no longer run from you
Instead I stay and I stand for My Name.
Your name is Rejection
And you have yet to learn mine.
An original by Clara Byler
Thursday, June 16, 2016
Friday, June 10, 2016
Believing Thoughts
Yesterday was a rough day for me,I became super overwhelmed with everything that needed to be done in the garden. I don't like to live that way, it saps the joy right out of everything I love doing.
There is nothing quite like the magic that happens in a fresh new day, especially when coming from a day where everything seemed to have been going a little bit off the wall. Today can be whatever I choose it to be.
I am finding this idea to be true more and more. I've heard it said; Our thoughts are recycled they come and they go. It is only when we believe and attach ourselves to our thoughts that we become those thoughts that we believe. We literally become the thoughts that we believe.
For example, yesterday I was working in the garden and the thought came to my head. "It's time to get everything transplanted into the garden because time is running out and it's getting late in the season, soon it'll be to late. I began to believe the thought. While it may be true that it's getting later in the planting season, what am I going to do about it, what can I do about it? After all it was the perfect day to be in the garden, planting. I just believed that I was late and needed to get in done quick!
There are two ways I can go at that moment the thought came. I can go into high gear mode and create a frenzy scene around me or I can put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the process, trusting that everything is just as it should be. I unconsciously decided to choose high gear mode, (this used to be my life daily, not so much anymore, but this way of doing things is still somewhat stuck in my subconscious mind to react this way, which is why I say I chose it unconsciously, it's like a program, it does what it has been programmed to do). Most of the day I was thinking things like I have to do this, I need to get that done, I need to get this done, my house is a mess it needs my attention, my kid's are hungry they need food, they are crying I need to spend time with them they need me. Everything and everyone was calling my name by the end of the day I was almost in tears! It was such a frustrating and stressful feeling! These are the exact words that came out of my mouth at Abe; You need me, the kids need me the garden needs me and I need myself and I can't do it all!!! I need to be with me and the garden right now and I need you to take the kids right now, I need some space. I was in a frenzy, I was loosing my cool, I was making everyone suffer including myself all because I chose to believe the thought that it is getting to late in the season and I need to fix it!! Fixing things in this way never works out well, it might get things somewhat done, but it also brings suffering. As the end of the day as the evening unfolded and the dust began to settle I began to come to my senses again I was beginning to see and understand the bigger picture and what had happened to me and I began seeing the results of my actions. The things that are most important, the one's I hold dearest in my heart were suffering because of the choice I made to believe the thought and then take the path I did because of believing it. As I sat there rocking my son to sleep at the end of the day I help him close to me realizing how much of the day I missed with him because of the frenzy I had been in. I was here but I was not present in the moment. In my scurry to fix things I had totally missed out on living in the now, today in the moment. I was so worried about the future of my garden stressing out that I'm late when all the while in reality it was the perfect day to be planting and everything was as it should have been. It was just my thoughts that gave me the idea that it isn't and I decided to believe it. I used to live in a frenzy like this on a daily basis. I am so thankful that I have been blessed to learn from others the different affects not believing and believing our thoughts can have on our lives.
Everything is as it should be. The beauty comes when we accept it and live in the now, fully alive.
There is nothing quite like the magic that happens in a fresh new day, especially when coming from a day where everything seemed to have been going a little bit off the wall. Today can be whatever I choose it to be.
I am finding this idea to be true more and more. I've heard it said; Our thoughts are recycled they come and they go. It is only when we believe and attach ourselves to our thoughts that we become those thoughts that we believe. We literally become the thoughts that we believe.
For example, yesterday I was working in the garden and the thought came to my head. "It's time to get everything transplanted into the garden because time is running out and it's getting late in the season, soon it'll be to late. I began to believe the thought. While it may be true that it's getting later in the planting season, what am I going to do about it, what can I do about it? After all it was the perfect day to be in the garden, planting. I just believed that I was late and needed to get in done quick!
There are two ways I can go at that moment the thought came. I can go into high gear mode and create a frenzy scene around me or I can put one foot in front of the other and enjoy the process, trusting that everything is just as it should be. I unconsciously decided to choose high gear mode, (this used to be my life daily, not so much anymore, but this way of doing things is still somewhat stuck in my subconscious mind to react this way, which is why I say I chose it unconsciously, it's like a program, it does what it has been programmed to do). Most of the day I was thinking things like I have to do this, I need to get that done, I need to get this done, my house is a mess it needs my attention, my kid's are hungry they need food, they are crying I need to spend time with them they need me. Everything and everyone was calling my name by the end of the day I was almost in tears! It was such a frustrating and stressful feeling! These are the exact words that came out of my mouth at Abe; You need me, the kids need me the garden needs me and I need myself and I can't do it all!!! I need to be with me and the garden right now and I need you to take the kids right now, I need some space. I was in a frenzy, I was loosing my cool, I was making everyone suffer including myself all because I chose to believe the thought that it is getting to late in the season and I need to fix it!! Fixing things in this way never works out well, it might get things somewhat done, but it also brings suffering. As the end of the day as the evening unfolded and the dust began to settle I began to come to my senses again I was beginning to see and understand the bigger picture and what had happened to me and I began seeing the results of my actions. The things that are most important, the one's I hold dearest in my heart were suffering because of the choice I made to believe the thought and then take the path I did because of believing it. As I sat there rocking my son to sleep at the end of the day I help him close to me realizing how much of the day I missed with him because of the frenzy I had been in. I was here but I was not present in the moment. In my scurry to fix things I had totally missed out on living in the now, today in the moment. I was so worried about the future of my garden stressing out that I'm late when all the while in reality it was the perfect day to be planting and everything was as it should have been. It was just my thoughts that gave me the idea that it isn't and I decided to believe it. I used to live in a frenzy like this on a daily basis. I am so thankful that I have been blessed to learn from others the different affects not believing and believing our thoughts can have on our lives.
Everything is as it should be. The beauty comes when we accept it and live in the now, fully alive.
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